Here's a topic ... how do you gals handle the "honey do" list? In a traditional marriage, men are home all week, they can help out around the house, they can change a light bulb or call a repairman. For us weekend wives, things are a little different. If our husbands try to squeeze all of these responsibilities into 72 hours on the weekend, we all miss out on quality time.
I try to do everything I possibly can during the week so the weekends can be mostly fun. Of course, I do this with my own selfish motivations, but in the beginning I REALLY resented my husband. Here I was getting home from work at 5:30 and cleaning, fixing, whatever - and he was off in some Hilton eating at Mortons.
Then one night during a fight about this very topic, my husband said, "I feel like you're complaining about mowing the yard when I'm out digging a ditch." Things changed a lot after that night for us.Their life might seem glamorous on the road, but bottom line (at least for my husband who is a consultant) they're working 16 hour days. And the Hilton is nice, unless you've been there for 8 months and at that point the novelty has worn off. I work 8 hours a day. If I have to put in 2 or even 3 hours a night around the house, I still have the better end of the deal. At least I'm at home. I guess, for me, it came down to finally accepting his job as my own as well.
What do you think? How do you deal with household chores? Do you have a hard time accepting the responsibility? Even though I'm more at peace with things, I still have a hard time occasionally.
Have a good night ladies!
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Last night I experienced exactly what you're talking about. While I unloaded dishes at 10:30 at night I was on the phone (briefly) with my husband who was out at the bar singing karoke. The resentment got the better of me and I said something that made him feel guilty. I have a hard time not sounding that way.
We have a Honey Do list on the fridge and when he grumbles about a task I have to keep my cool. I know that he's home and wants to relax but I always try to remind myself that I worked all week too. And sometimes there are things he needs to help me with, and unfortunately for us weekend wives it's always on the weekend.
If you both work full time and can afford it, why not hire a housekeeper? Every other week is about what most people need, and if it's something that so contributes to happiness and quality of life, I consider that $200 a month very well spent. (That's not necessarily how much it costs... for example, my mom pays $60/a visit, so that's $120/month for her.) I realize this is not an option for everyone, but it seems to me that many people who can afford it just don't consider it. Not sure why, exactly, except that maybe it seems like a luxury or extravagence, they don't realize how little it might cost, or that their moms always took care of the house themselves (so they should too). I don't personally see any great martyrdom to doing it all yourself. :)
There is nothing fair about working full time and feeling like you have to come home and do all the house work too, because one's spouse happens to work on the road. It's understandable why anyone would resent that.
My husband and I do a lot of things together when he's home. It's not so much of a chore when we're spending time together. We'll go pick up the downstairs and then we can build a fire and relax.
Kim - you're right, it's hard not to resent them some times for the occasional fun they have on the road. I usually bubble over about once a month even now. Cara B has a good suggestion if folks can do it. My husband and I choose not to at this point because we're trying to save our money so we perhaps won't have to work one day. But I know plenty of women who choose to hire help. It's a great idea if you're really getting overwhelmed.
It's totally not even about a housekeeper. The "honey do" list can even involve having to take the dog to get groomed or going to target to replace broken dishes or fix a window. That's all stuff that can be done during the week on your way home from work so you can spend your weekends together. I get so annoyed when I get home and I'm doing laundry BY MYSELF and he calls saying he's going out to a bar with coworkers and then doesn't get home until 12 am. It's like, he wouldn't do that when he's home with me. We go to bed every night around 9 pm when he is home during the week so we are refreshed during out time together. We're lucky because atleast when he is in town we work together so we can take lunches together. I hate the traveling. What I hate most is that other people are getting that precious time with him during the week.
I don't work right now, so I accept my responsibilities as a stay at home 'doggie' mom:) When i do get a job though, i think it will be really hard to keep doing ALL the chores and working. If we're both working, then while he's in town i'll expect him to do more probably. His job is very stressful and he's always on a deadline-my work will never be like that, so it's hard to say...
I had an interesting conversation, (well it was really a fight)about the honey do list just yesterday with my hubby.
He's out of town this whole week, coming home Friday night only to go to the casino with a friend of his, and then he's having friends over on Saturday night. He claims that I shouldn't stress about it, he will clean the house on Saturday. Oh, and he thinks I don't need to think about it until Saturday. I think I finally got him to understand that I DO need to think ahead. He'll need to do his laundry this weekend, which means I need to do mine tonight. And what he sometimes forgets is that I still run the house while he's gone, and if I take the week off and don't think about it, well the house will be a disaster on Saturday and there will not be enough time to clean it up.
I think the hubby's sometimes forget that the stuff they do when they're home, i.e. take out the trash, clean up the kitchen, do a load or two of laundry, that now gets added to my list for the week. That means that we have much more to do in a week when they are gone, and that sometimes we are going to get stressed out.
I don't have as much a problme with the honey-do list (he is really good about doing stuff when he is home)...I have a problem with the regular housework! Why is it that he expects to come home after 2 weeks, to a spotless house... I work 50 hours a week, work out 3 times a week, and I am planning our wedding, alone!
I mean, sometimes I feel like he thinks I do nothing. Plus I heard him mumble once, "If I don't do it, nothing will get done around here". And he said that while I was cooking supper.
M-F I don't have time to dust and vacuum and mop and... at least I get the dishes and laundry done. Then I don't want to slave clean all weekend either, I want to sit down and do nothing for a while.
Okay, I feel better...
I guess the bottom line is that the way our husbands handle the honey do list has just as much to do with their personalities as it does with them traveling. My husband thinks weekends are 99% about fun - what doesn't get done, will get done when it absolutely has to. I'm a little different - I think weekends should be about 80% fun. I don't like to wait until the last minute to take care of things.
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