The subject of adding children to our demands as weekend wives is a tough one. Both Yelnad and Amyd wrote in to ask if anyone else has children. Kim shared her experience about spending a large part of her last trimester alone. I think it would be helpful if those of you with children could offer advice to the rest of us.
My husband and I don't have children yet, but we plan to start trying soon. I am nervous about it. When we've discussed it, the plan now is to hire a nanny so I can continue working. I love my job (most days) and worked hard to get where I am. A regular day care or baby sitter won't work because there are nights I have to stay late. I told my husband early on in our relationship that if he continued to keep his crazy travel schedule after we had kids, then part of his salary would have to cover child care.
Who knows how my perspective will change once we have a child. I'll be honest, a majority of the women I've interviewed for my book either adapted or quit their careers when they had children. They tell me it's just impossible to do it any other way. That scares me a little. I don't feel ready to give up my job.
Anyway - those are my feelings about it. How do you guys feel? Do you weekend wife mommies have any advice?
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6 comments:
The hard thing about being a weekend wife is remembering to keep your own life too. I am currently pursuing my Masters degree and have made finishing school a priority. I do not want to stop working, I love having a job and interacting with people. I still love my daughter and wouldn't give her up for anything. It does hurt that some people comment on the fact that I'm trying to do too much. I may be over extended but not without a purpose.
It's so important to realize that even with kids you can still do what you want. It just adds another challenge to the already stressful life of the weekend wife. Remember to pursue your dreams, and if there is a baby present it just makes life all that much more rewarding.
We, as weekend wives, are some of the strongest women in the country. The best thing we can do to reinforce that is to tell each other. This blog is a fabulous way to do that.
Good topic. My fiance and I are getting married in May, but we talked about children. We've been together for quite a while and live together, so we are considering trying to conceive early next year.
I have some reservations though. I'm an attorney with a demanding job and he's gone 4-5 days a week. I love my job and don't want to quit anytime soon and he feels the same. However, I know that if he's out of town, I feel like I'll be the one put into the position of making sacrifices in my career when we have children.
It appears to be the case that most of the men who have children that my fiance works with have wives that stay at home. I have no problems with this, and truly admire women who did this. I just don't think it's for me.
Kim, I admire that you can handle working, finishing school, and raising your daughter. I hope there are more women like you that I can look to as examples.
I am getting married in September. I too have reservations about having children especially when he travels so much. I hope our schedule can accomadate a growing family when the time comes.
It's interesting that you bring up this topic. I often wonder how women do this... even women with their husbands home during the week. Both myself and my husband have demanding jobs, he's away 5 days a week. We moved back to Phoenix recently so that I could be closer to family and friends, and when the time comes, my mom would care for our children. However, I wonder how much of a burden it would be for her to do this, especially considering I work at least 55-60 hours per week. I worry that I'll have to make career sacrifices - not work as many hours, and therefore, not get as much stuff done, and possible be passed up for promotions due to having a family. All these thoughts run thru my head...
Although I think Kim is absolutely right that you don't need to stop pursuing your dreams & desires once you have a family, I do think when choosing to start a family you need to be realistic about what that means, what it requires, and what kind of sacrifices you might have to make to do it.
There are plenty of women and men who work full time and have children and make it work. And there are plenty who don't. It's about prioritizing, managing your time, and making sure not to forget that family comes first.
If you have any sort of resentments about the what having children could take away from your career, I don't think you're ready for children. The resentment part is the issue. Of course we all have to think seriously about how children will affect our professional lives, but if you resent what a family might keep you from, you might want to seriously consider sticking with your career as your priority until your thinking changes, if ever.
I already gave up my career for our relationship and future, which was hard, but I don't regret it. I often feel a little awkward when I explain what I'm doing and why I quit teaching, but I'm getting used to it. Honestly, I think it's harder to feel respected (by others and yourself) when you're a non-working (outside of the home) wife/mom now than a working one, at least in the region I live in.
I've enjoyed browsing your blog, but I wanted to comment on this specific post. I'm 26, and since I was 16, I've been a weekend-daughter. For the past 10 years my Dad's been a weekend-husband. As a 16-year-old girl, it was tough being without my Mom during the week for tests, doctor's appointments, and sport's games, but we made it work. My Dad had to pick up a lot of the slack, but it helped knowing we were going through it together and that both of us missed Mom. After a while you get used to it, but I couldn't imagine my Dad surviving it if I were a baby, even after doing it all these years. I guess my point is that it's hard, but in life you do what you gotta do. My Dad and I cook and clean during the week, and get to travel a lot more on points, plus we're happier to see Mom when she's home!
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