This weekend I flew down to Atlanta to see my friend who is pregnant with twins. She's doing okay by the way. They have been able to keep the contractions slowed down for the most part - and are hoping to hold things off for a couple of weeks. Thank you to those of you who sent your thoughts and prayers.
So my husband had a rare bachelor weekend in Philadelphia all to himself. I expected and wanted him to take time to have a little fun and do things he can't or doesn't do while I'm around. But I guess I also had a silent expectation that he might get a thing or two done around the house. My windshield wiper blades need to be changed, etc. Instead, I came home to find nothing like that done and a mess in the middle of the living room floor of a ski bag explosion that occured as he was looking for some gear. I haven't really said anything because I know it will be guaranteed to start a fight, but I've been steaming just a little since last night. It comes from the fact that when I have a weekend to myself in Philly I typically will get something done for us - even if it's as little as just grocery shopping. None of this crossed my husband's mind.
So I'm not sure if I will say anything or not. It won't lead to anything positive, I am sure. I've been thinking about it from his side - that this weekend alone at home is so rare, he wanted to take advantage of it. And then I think about the fact that it is MY CHOICE when I take care of things around the house on a free weekend. Bottom line, is I know what eeds to get done, I take care of it. He either waits for me to raise holy hell, OR things are so bad (fridge is entirely empty or wiper blades are non-existent) before he takes action.
Anyway - now I've gotten my self all fired up and he's due home from work in a few minutes. I better calm down or be prepared to brave the storm. Maybe I'll just tell him to read my blog!
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3 comments:
It's not just your husband that's like that. I had a (rare) trip for work last week and came home to find my lovely husband decided to "re-arrange" the living room. The coffee table was in the foyer (because he "needed" to vacuum the floor) and he just never got around to putting it back.
I *heart* him so much......
You might want to GENTLY tell him about your disappointment and/ or expectations -- in a way that makes it about you, not him (so he doesn't shut down and get defensive)... It's good of you to try to see it from his side... As I get older (I turned 46 last week), I realize that ofttimes we get into trouble when we PRESUME or assume things about other people and what they should or shouldn't do... We decide what they should be doing for us and are upset when they don't comply with our expectations. Trouble is, they aren't mind readers and it isn't fair to be mad at them for not doing something we think they should have done (unless we have been honest with them about what we need in the first place) -- Your guy may know, abstractly, that the windshield wipers need to be replaced, but unless you ask him to do it while you are away, he won't know you are disappointed that it didn't happen on your time table.
John hates to hang pictures, so, after 6 months in our new house, I hired a local handyman to do some of it -- My husband ended up finishing the job (or most of it -- we still have stuff to hang on the second floor...) but we both decided that it was worth the money for me to hire someone else to do it, at least initially...
Along the same lines, I was bummed at something my brother didn't do (that he had said he would do on a certain day) and so I emailed him a letter last night about how I was feeling and why. I haven't spoken to him yet, but just writing and sending the letter made me feel better...
I am glad to hear that your friend is doing okay -- They, and you, are in my prayers...
Remember, like my mom always said, there is a difference between a tragedy and a disappointment... Try not to let the little things get you down (though it is good to be able to vent, too -- which is why your site is so great...).
Be well, Weekend Wife ~
smp
I agree with smp about expectations. A couple of weeks into dating my hubby, he gave me what I can almost call a lecture about expectations. He wasn't rude about it or anything, but it definately opened my eyes about the subject. I used to be a real follower in relationships, and kind of scared to open my mouth because I didn't want to rock the boat. But, if things didn't go how I had expected them to, I would blow up. I've really learned to voice my feelings now, especially being in his work situation.
Believe me, this house would not survive if it depended on my DH. And, yes, it gets old and very frustrating. But, he knows that if I actually ask him to do something, most of the time, he'll make it happen.
If I leave for the weekend, I have to remind him to at the very least pick up after himself. He was the kind of bachelor that would clean every two months or so... yucky!
Good luck! It's hard not to be a nag about things like that!
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